Understanding Your Child’s Temper

Every child is born with his/her own individual way of approaching the world- a temperament.

Generally, there are 5 characteristics that describe on individuals temperament.

* Emotional Intensity
* Activity Level
* Frustration tolerance
* Reaction to new people
* Reaction to change

Temperament is not something your child chooses, nor is it something that you created. A
child’s temperament shapes the way he experiences the world. A child who is cautious and
needs time to feel comfortable in new situations and a child who jumps right in are likely to
have very different experiences going to a birthday party.

What temperament can teach you?

It helps to realize that your child's behavior is, to some extent, an innate pattern
beyond their control. This can make it easier to become more patient and lower the
stress and strain your child feels.

Regardless of your child's individual temperament or "thermostat," you can help
foster healthy behavioral development. Use teachable moments and model
appropriate behavior in difficult or unexpected situations. If you have a flat tire or the
pot on the stove boils over, be aware that your child is watching how you handle the
situation. Remember that children learn from what we do as much as from what we
say.

If your young child has a challenging temperament, for example, keep in mind: if you
understand and respond appropriately, they may modify their behavior. As they get a
little older, their intensity can become part of their enthusiasm, determination, charm
and zeal.

CHILD CAN ADAPT –

A child’s behaviour and approach to the world are shaped by his experiences and especially
by his interactions with you.

Example: A child who is shy can become more outgoing and comfortable in new situations
when their parents help them sensitively and slowly adapt to new experiences.
Also, no matter how consistent a child’s patterns may appear to be, sometimes children can
– and will- catch you off guard by acting in ways that you do not expect. A child who is
usually wary of strangers might fall madly in love with her new teacher. The fact that your
child can surprise you is one of the most exciting and even delightful rewards of
parenthood.

CULTURE MATTERS

Different cultures place different values on behaviour styles.

Example: You may value or want an obedient child and someone else wants their child to be
tough and assertive.

Before you think of what you want from your child, please understand where your child
stands and what his/her thinking is.

There is no right or wrong, better or worse temper
It’s very important for children to be accepted for who they are. It is true, though, that some
tempers are easier to handle than others. A parent with an intense, reactive child or a child
who is very shy and slow-to-warm-up will tell you that parenting these children can be
challenging at times. A Mother of 2 year old once described how she had moved to a new
neighbourhood and was desperate to meet some other moms. Finally, one day, a mom
walked by with her happy toddler who eagerly sought out her kid and even shared her
snack, but she being a shy and intense kid pushed the bag away and threw out a huge
tantrum, when mother asked her to play nicely.

These are the slow-to-warm-up, hesitant or shy child..

These children tend to have moods of mild intensity, usually, but not always,
negative. They adapt slowly to unfamiliar surroundings and people. They are often
hesitant and shy when making new friends, and tend to withdraw when first meeting
new people and circumstances. They typically become more accepting of new
people and situations once they become more familiar – Please understand your
children before you force them to do something

As we have labeled the above exampled child as shy, we have other traits too..

The "easy" child

About 40% of children fall into the "easy" category. They tend to respond to the world
in a positive manner, and are mildly to moderately intense. They adapt easily to new
schools and people. When encountering a frustrating situation, they usually do so
with relatively little anxiety.

The "challenging" child

They may have been categorized as a fussy baby. As a young child they may have
hard to please or prone to temper tantrums. They may still occasionally be explosive,
stubborn and intense, and may adapt poorly to new situations.
Some children with more challenging temperaments may have trouble adjusting at
school. Teachers may complain of problems in class or on the playground. When
kids have conflict-prone temperaments, they typically have more behavioral
problems.

Note: Your pediatrician can help you distinguish a challenging temperament from
other problems. For instance, recurrent or chronic illnesses, or emotional and
physical stresses, can cause behavioral difficulties that are really not a problem with
temperament at all.

In the next blog, I would like to give you a good read on how to support your child
based on different temperament traits.

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